That’s right, another month, ANOTHER BIRCHBOX. So, in my continuing series on evaluating the Mens’ (and also available in Ladies’) grooming and lifestyle products, we’ll be tackling June’s box. Its theme? Apparently this month is #EscapeArtist — And what a more appropriate time! It’s Summer! Everyone’s vacationing! Except the Australians.
They’re in the middle of winter.
ANYWAY. Onto the box! As you can see, there appears to be LESS in the box this time. And you’d be WRONG. See, normally Birchbox gives me about five products to try out and review on their website. This time, they gave me four — but TWO of one of them. So, getting the ball rolling, we’ll start on the double prize in this month’s box.
Richer Poorer Socks. The two styles I was given were the Seussian Red with White stripes (which I can’t seem to find on the website, strangely enough), and what is listed in the color selections as “Trekker - Grey,” which are a mix of grey socks with light blue pixelated pyramids outlined with yellow stripes. Considering I’m WEARING said socks, I have to say they are DAMN comfy. I mean, they’re just lovely to wear. However, I have one complaint about the current pair that I’m wearing — the sewing lining is akin to older types of socks with sewn patterns in them, in that the lining sticks out. So, you stick your feet in, your toes get tangled, you snag some shit, and WHOOPS. Torn socks.
The Seussian socks have no such problem, but I was wearing grey pants earlier and just… didn’t take the socks off. Eh. C’est la vie.
Next up, we come to the one other product I was really excited about in the box, the Old Spice Pure Soap Bar. Now, it is NO secret that I’m an Old Spice man. I have been for a good three or four years now; I love the brand, I love the smells, I love the ad campaigns, and I am envious of all who work on them.
I’m lookin’ at you, Isaiah Mustafa.
So, getting the bar soap was pretty exciting for me, and let me tell you… It IS a bar of soap.
What? You want more detail? Well, uh… hrm. It smells nice. Smells like soap, in fact! It, uh… It has a good hand feel. Probably would feel good being rubbed… on your arms. Okay, I’ll be honest, I just don’t care about bar soaps. I admit it! I don’t USE bar soaps except when I’m in a hotel and that’s all that’s in the little shower that’s provided for me! I’m very much exclusively a loofah and body wash kinda gent, and I am okay with that. Hell, that Molton Brown bodywash from last month? I STILL HAVE SOME LEFT. I’ve been friggin’ hoarding that stuff now like crazy, because I love how much it smells. Bar soap? SORRY. NOT IMPRESSING ME.
I’ll go back to my Old Spice Fiji bodywash.
ANYWAY, so, onto the last two products, both from Italy, I might add. We have the Marvis Toothpaste and the Proraso Shaving Cream. The toothpaste I have yet to actually brush my teeth with, so when I do, I’ll write about it — but it smells just delightful. Clean white toothpaste, no stripes or decoration about it — just a simple, minty toothpaste, and I can support that.
The shaving cream, on the other hand… Well… Let’s be honest.
I took this picture after not shaving for a good two days. Do I look like I need to shave more than that?
I didn’t think so. So, I need to actually send a message to Birchbox and just flat out ask them if they need me to review their shaving products with my pubic hair or something, because SERIOUSLY. THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SHAVE, GUYS. THAT’S IT.
I don’t even really grow LEG hair, for fuck’s sake! I mean, I do… but, still.
… Shaving cream review. Right. Uh, it uh… Doesn’t really have a smell. Can’t review it on that basis. Firm texture. I guess it’ll do. Well, next time I shave, I’ll write about it, I guess. And how it helps me manscape.
ANYWAY, that’s this month’s Birchbox! Thanks for reading, and if you enjoyed what you saw here (or in the last few months’ reviews), go right ahead and sign on up over hyar! $20 a month for dudes, $10 a month for ladytype parsons, and you can go and fill that medicine cabinet with more than just a few disposable razors and that one bottle of emergency smelly-stuff for when you run out of deodorant!